*E v e r y t h i n g* .happens. f0r a {R.e.A.s.O.n} [entries|friends|calendar] ♥KimbErly♥ [ website | *MY PiCS* ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[08 Mar 2004|02:50pm] new journal. __myheart. it's friends only so add me add me there & delete this one. see ya there loves <333 3 comments|Classic Beauty...

[08 Mar 2004|02:50pm] new journal. __myheart. it's friends only so add me add me there & delete this one. see ya there loves <333 2 comments|Classic Beauty...

you can do it but yo back into it<33 [07 Mar 2004|09:12pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Save The Last Dance* ] thinking about making a new name for my lj. if I do, i'm probably just going to randomly do it & add everyone who has me as a friend to it. so if I do it'll be within the next week or so & it'll be friends only since things have been getting more..in depth latly. any ideas fer a new name lemme know<33 my hampster died tonight ='( i loved that lil fluffball...rip peanut 9/1/03-3/7/04<333 *sigh* ok..on to some things that made my weekend worth smiling. wow, when things get you down all you gotta do is look to your friends & things can go right to the stars<33 so went to work. dealt with freezin my ass off on register 18 for 5 hours. i was completly numb. how fun! not..got out 1/2 hour early though wooo!! got some a nice chicken maradine salad from wendy's<33 went & picked jill up, came home got changed quick, dropped my sister off to go babysit & got to the game. the game was SO INCREDIBLE! we won 77-64 =) woohooo section V champs!! oh yeahh!! the game was really awsome though, everyone played thier asses off & didn't give up even when we were losing. definitly proud of those boys. chris got MVP fer the tounriment. him, brenden & nate made all tounri. haha it was really cute after the game when they were all huggin & jumping on each other & like laughing haha, so maybe i'ma dork & i thought it was adorable to see my baby jump on johnny's back & hug him. his little sister was down there & he was scruffing with her, & playin with her. how cuteee hehe + my babe in a hat = the hottest thing since justin timberlake turned 16. me & jill had a really fun time. i showed her the guys & she was like *deep gaze..* lol. her cheerleading choach Val got coach of the year & she was like "YA THAT'S MY COACH!! WOO" haha. saw tone there. woohoo. notreally. he's defintily turned into an arrogant asshole. i love val though she's still my babygirl<33 my step dad & klimick talked. how funny. they so remembered each other. my parents & brother went too. my mom saw tone & i guess tone was talking to her about adam. greatttt. i could only imagine what he said...i wouldn't trust that boy if my life was at stake...but yeah definitly a fun night overall. so took jill home, went home & got stuff ready. went to my grandma's cause she was giving me a ride to adam's. talked to her for a bit about the game. saw parts of the game on the news & some of the guys reactions. defintly cute. i love seeing the guys smile like that. adam called. got to his house. klimick, all the guys, most of thier parents, & like jenna, rob's g/f, johnny's g/f, tara, and nicole were all there. cute lil toast to a good season. & the parents & klimick left...the fun begins hahaha. so. let's see. to simplify the night. alcohol. weed. more alcohol. some hard liquor. dancing. laughing hystarically. music. boom boom in the boom boom room. REPEAT. lmao. i don't think anything could top the nights off with these guys. their a bunch of sweeties. & us girlfriends get along so well. so yeah. uhm.. everyone kinda passed out randomly around the house about 5 this morning. i managed to find my baby's bedroom like 20 mins before he did lol. fun stuff..<333 then sleep. was good. went tanning. came home. went to work. boring night. came home. had pasta. got all those yummy fatty carbs into my system. my baby came over. did some homework with him cause i'm stupid & i don't understand chemistry for the life of me. found my hampster dead ='( first time adam's seen me cry. it was really sad. he buried her outside for me cause i wouldn't walk into my room until the whole cage was outside. yeah. sat around. he made me feel better. it's so awsome how he makes me feel. like i said..it's just awsome..well better go shower..kinda tired too..wanna get to bed early..busy day tommrwo..girls championship game tommrwo night too..vs mercy. good lucky girls!! betz i luvvv ya!!! it'd be an awsome day if both our teams made section V champs. got a feeling tommrwo's gunna be one pumped up day. night loves. comment tommrwo sometime. running on about 3 hours of sleep & over 12 horus of ardlineine..there not mixing..so tired now..mwaa <333 Classic Beauty...

[06 Mar 2004|11:07am] i'm really startin to think all of my family hates me..my mom now hates how I act, and she says it's because of adam. that i'm embarassed by her & all this stuff. i just don't like the way she acts around people. she says the wrong things at the wrong times to the wrong people & she doesn't care. she doesn't act like a mother is suppose to. she acts like she's 21 & I hate it. then my grandmother yells at me after telling me to tell her why i'm embarassed & tells me i'm disrespectful to her & i should just go move into a shelter & not live here anymore..because i'm killing my mother by doing this to her..ha wow yeah i love how no one ever sees what this is doing to me though & how hard i try to be perfect for them.. she like complains about everything now. my friends & boyfriend. she says that i have such an attitude now about everything, but that's the farthest from the truth. she has no clue just how happy i've been...and she wants me to lose everything that makes me happy. it hurts so much..she wants me to like break up with him, & i won't do that. he's been so incredible to me & i don't wanna lose this..i don't wanna go back to being how i was before..all i did was stay home & mope & was sad about shit..now that i'm finally happy & having a fun time with my life..they want me to stop. i love how it's ONLY me too. they don't care that becky's out having sex 3 times a week with her boyfriend, or that she dropped all her friends & everything she use to do for him. i'm ACTUALLY doing good in school, i'm making my own $$, paying for my own things, & yet balancing going out & having fun...and thier still not pleased yet. nothing i do is good enough for them..they use to sit there "oh kim when are you gunna finally get a guy" or "haha how long was it since you've last gotten a guy" or somthing like that..i can't even talk to anyone in this family anymore..i love how my one sister turns around after i tell her everything & goes and talks to our parents about me.. it reallys feels so alone right now..they sit there & say how i'm the one who's changing, yeah i definitly am, but i'm happy..i wish they could just see that..i'll neevr be what they want me to be in life..no matter what' i do, how much money i'll make, where i go to college, what i do with my life..i'll always be..the dumb one..the one they can just sit there and make fun of all the time and make feel like shit without realizing it..i can't wait..17 months..there is nothing in this world that could stop me froming leaving here and not comming back..i just got to figure out how to survive these 17 months..maybe i should just do what my grandmother said..that'll make everyone happy.. Classic Beauty...

*Jusss shake it [03 Mar 2004|09:11pm] [ mood | ecstatic ] [ music | Ying Yang Twins *Salt Shaka ] words couldn't describe how PROUD I am right now of the boys. we did it. sectionals championship saturday here we come. comming up from a 10 point lose at half time. SO proud of them. EACH & EVERY single one of them did incredible. they were nervous. you could tell, but they pulled it out of nowhere to come back for the win. that's about the only word I can think of right now is proud<33 jules had fun even though i made her sit on the arcadia side. woww everyone was SO pumped up. it was so nervewreacking..you couldn't sit down. wow after the game of course all the guys got jumped on, so I found my babe's mom & dad. they were SO proud! I love seeing how supportive they are, I wish my parents were like that at times. got the biggest sweaties nastiest smelliest hug ever, but it made me so happy<33 he introduced me to his older brother. i was so nervous but so excited still. he was SO nice! wow what a night. nothing can describe how happy I am now. I can't wait for him to just call so I can hear how happy he sounds. I love how I can tell he's happy just from the sound of his voice. Love you babbbyyy <333 #5!! Titan Pride. Ain't nottin compared to it. Oh I BETTER see EVERYONE at the game saturday. 7pm. blue cross arena. out there supporting these boys for working thier ass's off ALL season long!! johnny WOW SO FUCKING PROUD OF THAT BOY! all seaon people doubted him sayin he was lazy, unmotivated. THATS WHY HE WAS THE LEAD SCORER TONIGHT! Brenden, your awsome. you AWLAYS are, & AWLAYS will be bud! Case YOU PLAYED! so proud you touched the ball! lolol you still are my soulamte<333 My Perfect One, nothing can compare. your incredible at everything you do. I love you. so much. & I couldn't be prouder right now. ok other things that have been up. ami had been hiding all day from this german exchange kid named Till. he wants to ask her to the prom because he likes her but she doesn't wanna. she comes up to me this morning 'omg guess what..' & was like 'how do you say no to a german kid without him ending up hating all american girls & ending up wanting to go all crazy & kill us?!" so i was tryin to help her make up excuses..so far we got..she's lesbian *wouldn't be that hard considering our school is full of them*, she has a phobia of prom/dresses, she has no $$ & lives in a box, or she's not allowed to leave her home with a boy til she's 21. found out that this guy who's brother's with this kid who was in my class last year..killed himself. to make it all yeah..it was within 1 min walking distance of my house. it was at barnard park in the woods, i guess he hung himself. it's scary because that night at 8/9 my step dad had took the dog for a walk & let her run around in those woods. when dougy picked me & up we drive by i had seen some flashing red lights but i didn't think anything of it..it's so weird that stuff like that happens RIGHT next to my home. got mad sick yesterday. food posioning. left school after 1st period cause i got really sick in the bathroom. i ended up losing 5 1/2 lbs yesterday total. felt really gross. things are good besides that.uhmm...better get to bed now lol. swimming tommrwo. swimming makeup after school. woofreakinhoo. did some tia-bo & yoga tonight. that didn't calm me down in the least. damnit. lol i think i need some nyquil. before i never get to sleep tonight. love lovesss comments tommrwo!! <333 2 comments|Classic Beauty...

I Believe in a thing called LoVE<333 [29 Feb 2004|09:14pm] [ mood | naughty ] [ music | The Darkness. A Thing Called Love ♥ ] werdddd. hahahaha. talk about a nasty ass hangover. thank god i didn't have to work today. i would have been fucked over so bad. it's now like what..9pm sunday night & i still can't see straight & i'm giglying my ass off still..i'm fucking great though. last night. was hottt. warning now, if you don't wanna read about drugs, sex, and alcohol. don't read any further. i'm nice. i'll give ya a warning. it's long too so beware. ( ErrbodyindaclubgettinTiPSYY ) ( <b ) okkkkk then wheeeeeeew. just finsihed up my us history outline fer my essay. wrote the essay then did the outline lol. it's gay. pollizi better love this shit. tired. my headis throbbing still. it won't go away. i've had my glasses on ever since i got home. my contacts were like killin my eyes. it's gettin late. school tommrwo. don't wanna go back. just wanna sleep. think i'll go. enough writing. gotta call my love. then hopefully sleep. go in late to school? maybe. probably not though. mwaa<33 GiNUWiNE "Love You More" Since you came inside my life You've givin me the best of you everyday and night I felt my happiness in you make me wanna ride To the end of any valley Then you give me piece of mind You bring me comfort to my soul give me such a high No I will never let you go Make me wanna fly to the top of every rainbow I love you more everyday You show me love in every way There's nothing left for me to say But I love you I love you more everyday You show me love in every way There's nothing left for me to say But I love you So promise you will never leave Forever you and me That's how it's suppose to be I love you only I won't stop loving you And I won't stop kissing you You're the reason why I smile And I won't stop holding you And I won't stop loving you You're the reason why I smile<33 Classic Beauty...

Can't stop thinking about the things we do..Just love me for a lil while<33 [28 Feb 2004|05:16pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Janet Jacksons New Song ] soo. kinda warm right now. *whoa did i say that?* kinda comfy & relaxed. & bored. so i figured id write in this. all done gettin ready fer tonight. me & jenna went this morning tanning *i'm now like..SUPER dark<333 she took me to this place called Hollywood Tans & I went in a like level 3 bed..super dark now woo* & we went shopping fer some stuff cause the guys called us up & said to stop over get the $$ & go to the store & get some crap food & go place an order for pizza & wings tonight. gotta love those lazy ass's who can't do this themselves. yesterday was nice. afterpractice adam came over & met my nanni. she LOVES him haha. she was like "oh my, your a living dollface". my littlest sister of course. hit on him every chance she could. god lol it's so funny to see the way she just sits there & like goes gaga over him. girl needs to control her horomones. josh was here with becky of course. josh & adam talked about cars. for like. 50 freakin hours. jk just seemed like that long. had fun convo's durring dinner. not really. mostly about bush, him being an idiot, the gay marrage thing, the superbowl thing, tanning, and of course guys. my nanni is agaisnt bush, but defintly not for the gay marriage thing. beither are josh & adam. but me & becky are. like the way i see it is, if there happy & not hurting anyone else & it's not afecting us. then who cares! let them be happy. went to the east/rush game. rush killllled them. like 90/70-somthing. we were gunna go see "The Passion of the Christ" but if we had we woulda had no time really to just chill at his house before I hadda be home. so he wants to go see it like sunday night or sometime then. ehh sure. went to his house. pretty much it was a lazy night. sat downstairs & listened to his playlist on his comp run for about 4 hours & layed on his futon & made out fer awhile haha. it was nice though cause it was the first time we've gotten to just be alone together since we fixed everything. & yeah..it feels right. i feel bad that i was so optimistic about things before. but now, it's just feels right. i was givin him a back rub cause well..he's a user for those lol & i defintly found his "spots" hahaha not like THAT but like, right on his back when i was rubbing it he was like "mmm." ing. lol. that & his neck, ears & thighs. you touch those & he's gone. so yeah came home. slept in til like 12:30 today. complete lazy ass. gotta <333 it. aww yay for once in my life i'm proud to be from NY. the mayor of New Paltz has married 25 gay/lesbian couples. i'm so glad finaly NY has somthing they should be proud of. my cell phone is so retarded. i swear i wanna chuck it out of a window. aww --> http://www.rochesterdandc.com/sports/columns/0227HV3DTSU_sports.shtml <-- another one. geese. cute picture of the side of his head huh? lol. i think they'll make it far. finals at least. they'll end up playin rush or mcquaid & lose. least it'll be a good end. & hopefully they won't take it TOO bad. i know that sounds horrible & non confident. but ya know. cute mention of the buzzer beater <33 fav moment of the season most definitly. britts been kinda distant & weird latly. i know it's because of the shane thing. but i don't think she should push her friends away because she lost him. i hope she knows i'm here if she needs to talk. chad's kinda...distant too from me. i'm not sure but it's like he's disapointed in me for somthing..merkss ily boy =( now just waitinggg boredly. games at 7. my sister wants to go cause she wants to see tom so i told her sure. ally, britt, laura, steve, chad, doug, & sean are all going too. painted my nails nice bright orange. it's a fun color. after the game gotta come home, get my shit together. i don't need alot really. just a sweatshirt & like a pair of shorts fer tonight. & change my shirt maybe. depends. then make myself cute. that could take. oh. a few hours. haha jenna's pickin me up & were going to adam's. i told my nanni that i was spending the night with jenna. which IS technically true. i didn't lie. i just shortened it. i feel bad cause casey's gotta work at like 1 tommrwo. hahahaa. he'll be dead. better go. gotta fix this thing I calla hairstyle..or i just gotta brush the fro outta it. & finished gettin ready. tonightsss gunna be hottt<333 mwaaa<333 1 comment|Classic Beauty...

I'm taking this one chance to say..<33 [27 Feb 2004|04:27pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | Sorry 2oo4*Ruben ] blah blah freakin blah. this week has gone from horrible. to great. & back down to bad again. got all comfy & semi cute this morning lol <333 wearin capri's for first time in a year. i found out some stuff today that was really sad actually. carra i guess got into a car accident last night & her mom really took it bad..because her dad died in one a few years ago. i didn't know that at all. it's so weird...you go to school with someone in ementarty school & lose touch for a few years, meet back up & it's like. wow. justin was listening to jessica simpson "with you" in english class. that made me laugh really hard. i swearr pat must have smoked somthing today. he was so figity & out there..lol lunch was funny cause he was like twitching & like tweeking out for no reason. swimming was really fun today. we played bball again. made some hot shots haha. got toally soaked & splashed. thanks todd. got adam kinda wet haha actually yeah really wet. he was messin with my hair & said i looked like a wet cat & smelled of chlorine...asshole lol. but he did say he liked my capris's maybe cause there tlike cloth & white & i was wet & his hand i think was super gluded to my ass. ya know the random things guys do that make you go crazy. steve & alex are taking a break. after a year & a half. sad.. happy belated birthday meggs. happy birthday lauren. whew. lol now that that's better & i remembered those. my baby wrote me a cute note. haha i wasn't expecting it at all. he wrote it durrin auto tech I guess. it's cute. just a hey, im bored, i love you kinda thing. it's those lil small things that make my day go by better <33 love you. workin on the homework now. wanna get it done really fast. my nanni should be here in about 15 mins. adam gets outta bball at like 4:30 & said he'd be here around 5/5:30. gotta order & go pick up the pizza since he'll be the only one who can drive lol *my nanni can't cause she's got bad knees & has a heart problem*. becky & josh should be here like 5. my brother's gone already. so are my parents. my two younger sisters are...soemwhere in this house. i needa like get the youngest one, lizzy, a muzzle & tie her up so she won't hit sit there & droll & gaga over my bf tonight lol. after dinner gunna just chill. adam said somthing about going to the rush/edision tech game tonight. after were just heading back to his house fer the night & gunna chill cause his parents are gone for the weekend too *love how that all works out nicely* idk might go see Passion cause he was talkin about wanting to see it. ehh not my thing really because yeah. idk just not into religion. but if he wants to go see it i'll go with him. well better get going. nanni might be here soon so gotta get the house all nice & tidey fer her. might write tommrwo before the sectionals game. if not. then sunday night after i'm done recovering lol have a great weekend lovess ~mwaaaa<333 *I asked you if I was pretty, you said no. I asked you if I was fat, you said yes. I asked you if you wanted to be wit me forever, you said no. I asked you if you would cry if I walked away, you said no. I had heard too much, & needed to leave & as I walked away..you grabbed my arm & told me to stay. You said..Your not pretty, your beautiful. the only thing fat, or big, about you is your heart. I don`t want to be wit you forever, I need to be wit you forever & baby, I wouldn`t cry if you walked away...I would die Classic Beauty...

[26 Feb 2004|08:25pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Aleica Keys*You Don't Know My Name ] dougy was aboslty crushed this morning when he picked me up. he took the loss SO bad. i felt bad =( my lent promise was broken this morning. jenna broke her's last night. i feel bad. lolol i now feel about 10 times worse though after charlie telling me he heard a rumor jermaine is moving back to texas next week. well i asked drew & he is..cause his dad works for the army so he moves around alot. thats why he moved here. & yeah i remember in like august him saying he was going to end up moving back but yeah..i guess after our whole..thing. it's weird not gunna be seeing him around. even though we grew FAR apart since school started up, i'll still miss his lil short loud mouth. it def won't be the same. whata ass. he said he didn't think i would have missed him..aww poor guy. i'm tryin to make him see all he things he missed back there..but by sayin all this shit im lying so bad. i wish we hadn't have grown so far apart. LatinJ005: yeah but i dunno i just feel so out of place yeah. so. uhmm. johnny said i have misquito bites today. & stole my doller. blah. spring break just might suck more than anything. adam, brenden, casey, steve, nick, and dougy are all going down to miami for the week. bumbs. jenna & pat are going to italy. nicole, larua & val are going to myrtel beach. amanda, christina & alex are going to cancun. damnit all why can't i be rich & go somewhere. i'm stuck in this lil shit hole. least merkel is stayin too =) we'll keep each other company. sucks. got nottin really to look forward to but yeah. adamw as tellin em the guys plan. bringin 14 bottles. for 6 guys. thats nuts. they won't drink that much. if they do they'll end up in the hospital. i hope he gets sun burnt to no end =-p hahaha that'd make me laugh. were doing somthing for the frist time since we got back together tommrwo night. it'll be nice to just be alone with him again & be able to feel what i missed so much. he's comming here for pizza first cause my parents are going outta town fer a "late valentine's day getaway". there going up to some canda hotel & casino for the weekend. so my nanni *my step sister's mother's grandmother* is comming in to watch us. & she wants to meet adam, so since it's just girls home this weekend my mom left $$ for pizza friday night & she invited josh & adam for pizza. she's met josh before & is like "OH GOOD GOODY! it's about time kim. i want to get to know what kind of taste in men you have". she's old but god lolol she's sucha gossip queen. it's SO funny like you can talk boys with her all the time & she knows exactly what you mean. it's so nice. i think she'll like adam alot. i mean everyone else in my family does already well outta the few that have met him lol. casey told me got me the strawberry kind cause he said i looked like the "strawberry" kind of girl. whatever that means? lol i love my step dad's rules he put into place & just happend to remind me of before this weekdn *he's so smart.how did he know i'd be out doin stuff hahaha*. 1) Don't get kindnapped. 2) Don't get pregnant. 3) Don't get arrested. 4) Whatever illegal things you might do..DON'T GET CAUGHT. 3 & 4 kinda go together but ya know lol. hadda talk with becky about some stuff. mainly next weekend. she wants me to hook her up with some ganj. i was like "err do i look like some kind of drug dealer to you.." & she was like "no but you hang out with enough of them". haha that was harsh. she set up my rules for next weekend. 1) no smoking anything i don't know what was put into it. 2) don't drink anything with a worm in it. 3) don't drive around anyhwhere. 4) don't have sex. *haha thanks beck.* & 5) don't do anything she wouldn't do. well considering she had sex with her b/f after only a month of being together & they have it about..once or twice a weekend now. & use to smoke & drink weekendly. i say i'm pretty good. hahaha. naw but i know what she means. i'm nto dumb. i won't do anything..TOO STUPID. haha yeah right. work was fine. i guess. really slow again. some old lady lost her keys & frankie made me go running around looking for them in the store. to come to find out. she had them in her purse the whole time. cute waste of 20 mins. mike was there & he kicked me. bumbish dork. ian & me did garbages & supplies together it was fun. i stole register 18 from josh too. haha. well i think im gunna go. gotta go make this book mark for english class *sooo gay*, call adam up & get to bed hopefully early. woo for freakin swimming tommrwo morning. 2 days left after tommrwo. thank gooodddd. gotta try to find somthing comfy to wear tommrwo. god i swear im gettin fatter or somthing. idk but like my chunk is like. ew. adan wants to like beat me everytime i say "my chub" or somthing. he's like 'god damn your fucking gourgous & skinny. if i can wrap my arms around you & feel my figures comming back & touchin my sides. YOUR SMALL!' haha i guess but idk i feel like ive gained about 50 lbs but i've only gained 2. i needa lose it fast. i wish there was an easy 7 cheap & safe way to lsoe weight. that'd be so nice. ok enough talk must go start my 1000 nightly crunches ive promised myself to do. comments to all tommrow. promise<333 Classic Beauty...

*i wanna latte. mmm good. [25 Feb 2004|10:29pm] [ mood | hot ] [ music | *The Bachlorette ] boring bumby day. dougy was all nervous gettin to school cause of the game earlier tonight. he was like '*huge breath* i will destroy mcquaid..." hahha. leduc feels pimp cause he got his own name put up on the annoucments "good luck goes out to leduc and his boys..." how about chad nailed him for being a c@c% a$$ today haha. gym = my own person he double hockey sticks. thank good-ness only 3 days left of swimming. if my hair gets any more poofy & i come out of thier dripping wet one more time because i don't get enough tiem to change without being late, or i freeze for the rest of the day. i'm gunna scream. i felt icky, dirty, & chloriney for the rest of the day. wo freakin ho. us history we talked about the newest issue with bush trying to annaul an amendment stating that gay's cannont marry. please what the fruck is that. i'm sorry but if their happy LET THEM GET MARRIED! how is this hurting any of us? IT'S NOT! & I know it states in the Bible that only marriage is between a man & a woman, & that it's immoral for it otherwise. but sorry. that is defintily a load. i personally. don't go to chruch, don't practice any type of religion. i think, if they are happy. then just let them be. it's not harming anyone. but taking away thier right to be bonded together as partners. that's hurting them. i honlesty hate the guys in my US History class though. they sat there & actually said it was fine for 2 lesbians to get married because it was "hot" but not 2 gay guys. how frucking mature & idiodic is that. i say if your happy then let it be. don't let the government run our lives. they supposedly speak for "our nation" & make laws to make this country work. well doing this would honeslty segrigate so many thing. arghh. me & haylie kept this debate going all 43 mins. in the end we win. f*** everyone else =) my debate for the day. well the first one. the second one is. block f***ing shedualing. he double hockey sticks frucking shizz no. not MY senior year when i'm suppose to only have 4 classes a day & early dismissal. HECKK no. these people must really be out of their wacked minds to change it. NO ONE wants it! i don't care it's stupid. they expect me to sit there for 90 mins in ONE CLASS. i don't care if it's only once every..what 4/5 days? by then i'll forget the shit i learned alst time! i have a hard enough time remebering what I do on a friday on a monday. yeah. so. no one wants it. there. end dispute. no block schedualing. thanks morons. buhbye. me & jenna are giving up swearing for lent. didn't you notice all the odd says. please remind me how long lent is again. 40-somthing days? i need to know how long til I swear again lol. this is painful. adam & casey are giving up masturbation. yeahhh lmao. no touching, no nothing. he told me earlier. i was like. okkk. haha this could so work to my advantage. cause it'll be like that movie. 40 days 40 nights. i can tourture him & tease him all I want..*evil smile* harharharhar. this will not last I gaurentee it. just cause he's too much of a horn ball & has a hard enough time keep his grubby lil hands to himself. let alone OFF himself. ok so yeah. my 40 days non swearing. started at. 8 pm tonight. mark that. casey asked me what flavor iw as today. cherry, bluberry, vanilla, strawberry, orange, mint or candy cane. don't know honestly. oh yeah. i love how i'm supposedly a w&$@* because I hang out with alot of guys. uhm sorry your a f***ing loser who can't get any friends let alone a boyfriend. i happen to get along with guys alot better than girls for a reason. but the girls i do hang out with i love more than anything because their true to me. so F*** you & your opion of me as a w&$@* have a nice night. stupidbiznitch. ok so justin needs to go like. fall off a deep cliff. in english today he askes me my opion on laruens boobs if they were tooo big. uhm. how about i don't care. stupid boys. lunch. ehh. me, jenna, kat, britt & josh for awhile. talked about the "gay" thing stating how many gay people we knew & this would affect if they had planned to meet someone & make a commitment to them. then they all went to go smoke so I sat with leduc. he got me addicted to these..sour lemon ice thingys in the vending machine. sooo freakin good!! he musta had like 3/4 of them lol. math = borrrin. sweezy's skipped for the past 2 days so it's just me, tom, christina, & jake. drew has an obsession with my last name. he loves it. he loves saying it. weirdo lol. health. kinda sad lmao. were watching a movie about suicide & jenna started to get all teary when the lil girl was like "I miss Jimmy. where is he? is he comming home soon?" *her brother killed himself & she's like 4 & doesn't understand* yeah sad. adams at there like almost laughing at me & jenna cause we were sittin there like "aw..omg..that's horrible". rob was like "that's the fakest cry i've ever seen!" guys WON thier scrimage last night vs/ rush! omg i was so proud! rush is like the top team & are incredible! i think it's cause they got really pumped for it & one of rush's top players hurt his hand & hadda sit out for 2 quarters. yeah so that had adam in a good mood. yeah haha i love how I still see him everyday & get that "wow..he's so hot" thing. cause yeah. today he looked. freakinggg hot. hahaha<333 hadda work. boring. slow. ya know the same old shit. cept SCORE bryan is leaving!!! FOR GOOD!! haha he gotta new job at another wegmans so march 4th. buhhhhbye you stuck up overly obnxious pr***! uhm besides that. i was mikes random run around bizznitch hahaha pretty much he makes me get off register & do all the stupid lil things he's suppose to do as a front end manager. i told him he better start payin me like one next time. jenna picked me up right after & we drove to the ESL arean & saw the guys hockey game. adam ended up skipping going to the Shroder/Spencerport bball game even though he was suppose to go scout them cause the guys are playin the winner of that team saturday at sections. he came to the hockey game instead so w chilled & watched that. it's so funny seeing him get all into the game cause i'm all use to seein him play, not be the on looker lol. he was like "my body hurts rub it please.." sucha whinner lol. oh he'll get a NICE back rub saturday *ilovelent* mawhahaha. i thought they were gunna kill chad! some kid like nailed him up agaisnt the glass & I was like =-O & adam was like "he has 40 lbs of padding. he's fine" aww mr.senstivity<33 haha me & jenna told him we were running off to Boara Boara & live a life in luxery without men. josh was sittin there singing "I Smell Pussy" alllll night. & adam was like "I smell rightttt" & like looks at me weird. I was like 'uh..no.' the boy ever since making this lent thing, has been even MORe horny. & it's only been a day! imagine by day 30. hahahaa. oh by the way. jill your pure evil. ackkk. she's goin to florida tommrwo with her cheerleading squad for nations. good luck!!! & get a tan please!! lol uhm. the bachlorette. finale. final rose. holy cow. so sad. ok. she should have picked matt. he was so much more than the other dude. the other guy didn't even seem like he loved her as much & she even said it was more passion than comfort. i would defintily pick being comfrtable & secure with someone over passion. yeah but w/e lol. i need help. how do I fix that thing that's above my userinfo & stuff. it's like my header got cut off & yeah. weirdness.?? help? lol ok bed now. most defintily. before i like don't wake up tommrwo ever. i would comment on all ya cuties tonight but i'm dead & i don't think i would know what i was typing. my eyes are shutting as we speak...night<333 1 comment|Classic Beauty...

*Cause I'm your lady..& you are my man. Whenever you reach for me, I'll do all that I can [24 Feb 2004|08:18pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | *American Idol* ] i want warm weather. fuck this cold weather & snow. friday its suppose to get up to almost 50 so i'm happy. gunna break out the comfy bright yellow capri pants & wear them with the old olympia bball hoodie. got gym & swimming so hey. comfyness works. http://story.news.yahoo.com/fc?cid=34&tmpl=fc&in=Health&cat=Sex_and_Sexuality .whoaaaa now that's TOO much. fucking dirty ass whores. male & female. SLUTSS. haha. me & adam are back on again =) uhm no clue really how it all happend. yesterday night we had this deep talk. & today he just came up to me & kissed me. yeah i'm all happy again. i think this just proves, you gotta go though some bad shit to get to the good. yeah so i'm taking things a lil slow now not tryin to get all caught up in the midst of stuff but yeah..I'm in love with him. so much. this was the convo we had last night. well the part that made me realize how much I loved him. A Blanch053 (10:44:29 PM): whatever. I can't do this anymore tonight. I LOVE YOU. My heart is for YOU not anyone else, I don't give a fuck what anyone says or tries to do. I want you to be the one for me and I want to make you as happy as you make me feel. I wanna be every reason you smile. I want you to see what you mean to me. Your like my addiction, I can't picture being without you. You sit there and compare yourself to other girls; fuck them. Your the most perfect individual I've ever met. No one compares. There's a trillion other reasons why I love you, and I can't let you go so easy. I promise I'll love you as long as you let me; that's why I know this will work baby isn't that sweet<333 lunch was fun. casey was tellin me about the party saturday night that the bball guys all had. whoaaa lol. all i gotta say is saturday is about to be mad hot. sectionals. going to see the Athena/Olympia game. early prediction. Athena. sorry but it's true lol. then the arcadia game vs eather shroder or spencerport. prediction. arcadia of course. we've beaten them both already. let's just hope they don't fuck up & lose it all. they totally deserve to be sectional division champs & go on to states. love my arcadia boys<333 well maybe only a few of them. lol the others just kinda. yeah. erk me. so after the game i'm goin with jenna over to adam's house with like johnny, johnny's new girl - amanda i think her name is?? brenden & some new girl HE met! YAY GO B! pat w/ my jenna of course, casey, & chris. well here's what the night looks like so far. LOTS OF FUCKING FUN! hahaha wow johnny was like "yo girl it's about to be krunk. i'ma be bringing the green" wonderrrful. i'll get to deal with a high/drunk 6'6 huge black dude all high. score. he was talkin earlier to adam & I musta walked in on the wrong part of the convo cause he was talkin about how he fucked his girl this weekend & all I hear is "damn we was banging so hard my balls were slappin her ass from the front". oh my gawd. my ears. AH VISUAL. ah. casey's description of what's gunna go down. caseyAFmurray (4:28:19 PM): it's going to be a saturday. you ain't got shit to do. you guna be drunka, you guna have ur man nd be bannnngin nd i'm get u highhh as a muthfucka good night negge8-) . definitly sounds like it's gunna be a hot night. too bad casey needs to stop tryin to be ghetto. tanning does not give you the right to sound like your from the city. hahaha he's a cool kid though. he's got me a hook up like whoa. he's def chill. haha sounds like afun saturday night. most defintily. probably will end up doing some shittttt but ya know. least it's with people i trust. britt got her Louis Vuitton it's soooo grougous ahh i want one =( it's a multicolor speedy. OMG you know what I HATE! guys who walk down the hall with thier girlfriends & are behind them walking witht hem holding thier fucking boobs like thier a pair of hands. what the fuck please you dirty ugly nasty thing. get off you are NOT hot shit no matter what you try. ugh ok now that that is out. i feel better =) guys hadda scrimage tonight vs rush henrietta. haha adam wanted me to go see it & i was like...why drive all the way out there to see you guys get killed in a game vs a #1 team from a high division & lose somthing that won't even count lol. adam asked me if this weekend if it's ok for him to get retarded *aka as in drunk & whatever* i was like...er your ASKING me? uhm ok..first thanks fer asking at least..second lol i'm not an overpowering control freak bitch. i'm gunna be having fun myself. so yeah least he asked lol. yay for swimming tommwo morning woo. not. uhm let's see. work tommrwo & thursday. jenna's picking me up after work & were going to the ESL arean to see the lightening boys play. about everyone & thier mom is going cause if they win there onto states. woo go guys! going to go finish watching American Idol now *that Webber girl & Amy Adams are incredibleeeee* speaking of Idols. my CC*chad* is in Penn. right now working on some photo shots & performances & such. good luck with the record companys chad!! yer always gunna eb my idol i'm glad yer ok but I miss ya. we need chill son!! <33 I suggest everyone go check him out cuz he's an awsome person & the sweetest dude eva!! http://www.chad-coleman.com/ <33 alright im outtie loves. expect a new layout probably soon. i change the colors to go with my feelings hehe <333 2 comments|Classic Beauty...

[23 Feb 2004|09:22pm] [ mood | working ] [ music | *tv. ] i wish i could explain myself but words escape me - it's too late to save me school was. reasonable. almost died before i even got to school though. dougy picked me up & i was gettin into his truck & i didnt realize the huge ptach of ice the door was right on, so I opened the door & BOOM. there I go into a full on split still trying to hold on for dear life on his door & BOOM my ass hits the ground. ok. it wouldn't have been so bad expect for the face that i swear to god dougy musta not have gotten alotta sleep cause he could not stop laughing over it. for like 5 mins i was sittin on the ground dieing & he was in the car laughing histarically. so i get into the car & he's STILL laughing at me even worse now. it took him about another 5 mins to actually get the truck started & driving. asshole lmao. it was pretty funny though. ah school on a nice monday morning. fuckit. get there. right away drama drama dramaaa. ally comes up to me "omg i heard what he said about you! what a bastard" & then dougy was like "no he didnt say that! god damn he'd never say that" & then freakin britt was like "did you really cheat on him with brenden & chad?". OH MY FUCKING LORD people need to back the hell off for 5 mins. yeah so get to my locker & I see my charlie. got a huge hug from him & he told me not to worry & to smile. that made me feel better. chem = borrrring. i rushed to get that project done last night & it's not even due til tommrwo. grrr. gym. haha swimming. actually fun. cept the water was like really warm but fucking freezing. all at the same time. uhmm todd & me are the unstopable duio haha. we killed everyone. alliopp & dunk! our motto. hair turned into a puffball. brenden wrote me a lil note & put it in my locker. i got it still cause its a lifter. it says "don't worry about this shit. they talk so much just to make it seem like thier better than you. there's nothing they could do to make it true though. later sweets." yeah it make me feel better. OMG i wanna bang brenden *notreallybuthaha* but ok me & jenna were talkin about some guys cause she wants me to like move on & not worry about adam, & she was like "so you see any new ones latly" & jokingly I mentioned somthing about this kid I had saw at the athena bball game & brenden heard me & he was like who & asking ?'s & i said #10 the point guard. & he was like "Oh Mark?" I was like 'err...idk...haha' & he was like "yeah mark schaller, i knwo him. me & him are mad close. i can give ya the hookup if ya want" SCORE ONE FOR ME! hahaha jk. i don't know. i don't wanna hurt adam at all but..everyones telling me it'll be ok. uhmm saw adam after gym class & i was kinda soaked. dougy was talkin to me & he went to the bathroom so go check himself out so there left me & adam. he was like. really quiet & kinda eh..he was like "hey...you have swimming?" & yeah yadda ya small talk. & the bell rang so I was already late to pollizi's & he like grabbed my arm & kissed me on the cheek. yeah so how about I walked in pollizi's about 4 mins late wet & icky with even more confusion than ever. yeah. another boring ass class of sittin there listening to him ramble on for 40-somthing mins. aggg. english went by fast thank god. sorry wasn't in the mood for it today. lunch was quiet. saw adam again & he just gave me..that nod. that fucking nod that I hate that guys do all the time. it's so GAY. please it won't KILL you to say hi. nod. hteihyrai9s. gr. so yeah i went with kat to the bathroom so she could smoke so we hadda get past the secutirty to get to the other bathroom on the other side of the school. so were sittin in there talkin about shit. she told me somthing really sad. she dated this kid when she was about 13/14 *4/4.5 years ago* for about 2 years, lost her virginity to him, fell in love, eveything. then they broke about & her BEST friend who she considered closer to her than her sister started going out with him. she just saw them for the first time in awhile the other night & it's killing her inside. she felt so torn apart thinking this girl was someone she could trust but just fucking backstabbed her for a guy. poor kitkat ily<33 while we were talking some teacher was right outside the door so I hadda sniffle *our cue..lmao* & thank god she put it out right as the teacher walked it *phew* massive close call. health was hell. adam was wirrint things on lil pieces of paper & puttin them on my desk. they said like 'sorry' 'talk to me later' '=(' 'i miss you' & etc. yeah i hate how like people are saying these way confusing things about it. like "i think you really love him & he loves you. but things dont work even between people you love.you should move on to other things. your young you shouldn't worry about being tied up." it felt so weird in math talking about soulmates. my teacher was like 'i don't think ive met my soulmate' but shes married & has kids. she was like 'i love him with all my heart. but i know hes not my soul mate. i know my real one is out there somewhere & ill never meet him'. thats so weird to me thinking, you can love someone but not ment to be with them. i just hope this whole thing doesnt make me a bad person. idk what to do. everytime i see his face it makes it weird again because there's always somthing i see when i look in his eyes that makes me feel...all weak again. i hate him so much for making me feel so..scared; without him. if this is what it means that you go though shit to find out who you are, well then..i'm ready to be who I am finally..justnotwithyou =-/ yeah. i think ima go do this essay for cooney. and talk to adam about stuff. yeah. idk what to do. so confused. blehhh. Classic Beauty...

[22 Feb 2004|09:54pm] [ mood | tired ] homework sucks so much. i hate sunday nights. i don't wanna go back to school. all im gunna hear is drama drama drama. plus i have to swim. let's make my day even better thanks. not in the mood to really write anything so I found some quotes & such. I'm not a perfect person, As many things I wish I didn't do, But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you, And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know. I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with everyday, And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away, And be the one who catches all your tears, Thats why I need you to hear.I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you, And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be, A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know, A reason for all that I do, And the reason is you. Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head So why do you leave these questions unanswered? The circus awaits and you're already gone. My Cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile, what makes it so easy for you to be walking by? And what did I do that you can't seem to want me? Why do we lie here and whisper goodbyes? Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me? What makes it so easy for you to be walking by? I would stop time to stay with you I would stop time so we don't move I would stop time I would stop time I would stop time to keep you... They never said it would be easy...they just said it would be worth it Its the hardest thing to walk away from something you know you want more than anything in the world... I may have made it rain Please forgive me My weakness caused you pain & this song is my sorry Everytime I try to fly I fall without my wings I feel so small I guess I need you baby Your all i want, but not like this Im watching u disapeer, but u were never here. Your body gives but then holds back the sun is bright the sky is black..can only be another sign, i cannot keep what isnt mine..how can i tell if u mean what u say u say it so loud but u sound far away. mayb i had jus a glimpse of ur soul or was that ur shadow i saw on the wall goodnight </3 2 comments|Classic Beauty...

St. Marcoon. We run shit. Comming soon* [22 Feb 2004|02:06pm] [ mood | confused ] *Isn't this the best part of breaking up?? Finding someone else you can't get enough of..Someone who wan'ts to be with you too. that is the biggest crap I've ever heard..love that song but yeah..i don't know..i love you.. DKNY 298: help kimmi 24o: run away with me to jamacia please DKNY 298: YAY DKNY 298: not jamaica queens kimmi 24o: fuck people. fuck the us. fuck it all kimmi 24o: no country jamacia DKNY 298: how about kimmi 24o: nice tans, blue water white sand and lots of liquor DKNY 298: we buy an island DKNY 298: and we'll name it DKNY 298: St. Marcoon kimmi 24o: lolol DKNY 298: omg how sexy is that kimmi 24o: omg that's fucking hot DKNY 298: i likeeeee it DKNY 298: haha kimmi 24o: we can be carried around on those beds and have sexy muscle men serve us DKNY 298: weeeeeeee! DKNY 298: can they be gay DKNY 298: cuz straight men DKNY 298: are annoying kimmi 24o: YES! the gayer the better kimmi 24o: cause then they can desiugn everything for us kimmi 24o: and have good taste in shit if your a female & would like to join us let me know. no males. unles your fully gay. i'm sick of them & thier confusing comments. real update later. gong home after work tonight. should be loads of fun. Classic Beauty...

*Everyone is made to look perfect in someone elses eyes* [21 Feb 2004|11:00pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Tex/OU game. ] long LONG day but it was fun. really fun =) i made a new layout. found the icon. love the song. it's really realtable right now. re did my colors to kinda go with it. Just tell Nemo you couldn't find him because you were off getting stoned. He'll understand. |N|E|M|O| My antidrug. that is incredible. went shopping today at eastview mall with brenden, haylie, her b/f bryan *who btw is a kid I went to freakin elementary school with!* & chad. got SO much shit. i spent about $445 on my grandma's plastic. oh boy lol. I got some cute stuff though. --*new pair of white & baby blue trimmed K*Swiss --*white fuzzy bath robe from victoria secrets --*pink fuzzy slippers from V.S --*pair of jeans from JC Penny's --*white flip flops from American Eagel --*a maberry haulter top from A.E --*red & white A.E logo tank top --*light blue pair of pants from A.E --*a skirt that's super cute. A.E of course --*pair of kinda lose light white pants from H&M --*tan skirt from Abercrombie & Fitch --*pair of adorrrable shorts with a tie from A&F --*an orange haulter top from A&F --*white tank top with lil flowers from Charlotte Russe --*this adorrrable pink & black lacey tank top (the black part is see though haha* from Charlotte Russe --*this weird but cute pink & flowery shit (lmaoo everyone agreed it looked good so I got it) from Charlotte Russe --*a freakin white VELCROW skirt from gadzooks. this thing is my new love<333 hahhahaha --*new bottle of candies perfume cause I was running low --*pair of dangely earring from Claires well that's it. then lunch at Jack Aastors, a coffee from Gloria Jeans & cookie. $445 right there. sucks how fast $$ can go. my granmda loved the stuff I got. almost hada heart attack when I told her the bill. oh well. won't be able to go shopping again til June before I go to italy. tommrwo suppose to go to Jamie's early in the morning with Danielle to work on our fashion show for Italian class. sounds like fun. not really but I'm tryin to work my ass off to get all A's this quarter. *Random Convo time from tonight* meier 10 24: ur my shorty doowop:-D cmerkel240: fuck that pussy you my girl since day 1:-* DKNY 298: i think i need to up in ur profile .. up in thurrrr DKNY 298: ily SuZzIe MB32288: still laughin with ur men and being a mutha f'ing p-i-m-p?? babyNIKA143: your so hawt gawd i love you :-* A Blanch053: your not SUPPOSE to say anything Jesus. Your suppose to say what you feel, but aparently you feel NOTHING at all after I sit here time and time again tell you how much I'm in love with you and you still don't care. A Blanch053: love you baby; I don't think anything could change that:-[ yeah so some of those. made me feel better. some. made me wanna go dig a deeper hole & crawl further into it. he still thinks i cheated on him. i don't get it. he thinks i don't care eather. that hurts even worse. i don't even know what i'm suppose to say to him, or think. yeah i think i'll go to bed now. i don't know when jamie's gunna call me, and then i work at 3:30. then tanning. then going home. sounds fun. not really but whatever. I'm not a perfect person, As many things I wish I didn't do, But I continue learning, I never meant to do those things to you, And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know. I'm sorry that I hurt you, It's something I must live with everyday, And all the pain I put you through, I wish that I could take it all away, And be the one who catches all your tears, Thats why I need you to hear.I'm not a perfect person, I never meant to do those things to you, And so I have to say before I go, That I just want you to know. I've found a reason for me, To change who I used to be, A reason to start over new, and the reason is you. I've found a reason to show, A side of me you didn't know, A reason for all that I do, And the reason is you. 1 comment|Classic Beauty...

</33 [21 Feb 2004|12:36am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | Nickelback*someday ] How the hell did we wind up like this? Why weren't we able; To see the signs that we missed & try to turn the tables. I wish you'd unclench your fists & unpack your suitcase. Lately there's been too much of this; Dont think its too late. Nothin's wrong just as long as you know that someday I will..Someday, somehow gonna make it allright but not right now so tired. and dead. and beat. and exhasutesed. staying in tonight to finish recovering from last night. uhm wow where can i start. this will be really long so beware. & i will comment tonight on eveyone promise <33 going back to my house sunday i think. i told my mom if one more thing blows up in that house i really will stay at my grandmothers with no regret. yeah...uhm a few new rules. i get to live at my grandma's on weekends if i want, all vacations or whenever i need to just get away. my mom can't yell anymore. there's gunna be new rules to the dish washing, cooking food, and washing cloths. so yeah. ( yesterday ) worked 5:30-8:30. sooo boring. ben & frankie were my runners <33 they definitly rock. ben had me do garbages. fun fun. i think he got the idea what i was pretty ruff from last night so he had me do erans all night instead of register. jaqui was working so that made it fun. my grandma picked me up. got home. showered. she ordered us papa johns <33 that made me happy. now i'm sittin here. dead. finishing up designs on my jean purse. talkin to katie, sue, brenden, jermaine, christine & chad. tommrwo should hopfully be a good day. me, haylie, her b/f *not sure of his name..err, haha* & brenden are going shoppin at eastview. might i add i am a complete idiot. i had no clue haylie was brendens sister til like...today. haha i was talkin to her online about pollizi's class cause she's managed a A in that class & we were joking around on how I need to get pointers from her on how to get one & she suggested we go shopping tommrwo & she was like 'ok so I'll come get you with ryan & brenden wants to come to so he knows where you live.." & i was like ;wait brenden, huh?; & she was like..my brother, brenden. hahaaa wow i felt dumb. she's only been in my us history class for like 2/3 weeks now & I hadn't made the connection yet. so i defintily am getting my grandma's plastic tommrwo to spend some $$. plus the $105 paycheck I got today. me & haylie agreed. shopping can make anything in this world right. well i think i better go to bed now. it's about 1am & i gotta call haylie around noonish. hopefully adam won't think i've ran off with brenden to go ona fuck fest, like he seems to beleive. the hardest thing in this world is to live in it 1 comment|Classic Beauty...

[19 Feb 2004|01:58pm] update til, i don't know when actually. i pretty much think i moved out of my house last night. my step dad said he didn't care what i did, so i got some shit & here i am at my grandmothers. my mom is comming over after work at 4 to try to talk me into comming back but, i don't think i can. it's so stressful & reminds me so much of when i was younger. i don't wanna deal with it. my mom says she wants to keep this..'family' if that's what you really wanna call it; together. she has no organiztation of 6 kids plus her husband. i can sit there & watch her & know she can't. it's not that i don't love her. but she thinks i don't. i just can't stand all the yelling & hitting & shit that goes on. my grandma just wants to see me happy. i like can't smile anymore. it hurts to fake one. it sucks so much to be in the middle, and not feel anything. i don't want them to get a divorce. but i don't want to be there. no one really understands that. i gess my grandma said they were talking divorce because of it. great so now because i opened my mouth & finally said somthing about not liking the house, i get to get the blame if they do get a divorce. i got like no sleep last night, i'm so drained. after the whole argument i had called adam, to talk to him cause i didn't know who else to talk to. he was already in a bad mood, they lost thier first game last night. he did really bad. then after there was a huge figth in the parking lot. some kids got messed up really bad. olympia people are such..scumbags. cept for the few i still care about. i saw one kid right infront of me get nailed upside the back of the head. that scared the shit outta me cause i thought i was gunna get hit or somthing. now i'm here. for now. til 4. then they'll end up trying to reason with my grandma saying how they'll change, but they really won't. shit will never change with this. it'll always go back. cause it always does. i hate fucking presidents break. week worth of nothing that means nothing because they just wanna keep us out of school longer. oh i can't fucking wait til spring break. 'nother week of hell. maybe i'll get out of this hell for awhile. britt wants me to go to ocean city nj & nyc with her. i don't know..anything anymore..it feels really empty..to not know what you have or want.. Classic Beauty...

All I hear is hear is raindrops fallin on my rooftop.. [18 Feb 2004|12:05pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Tamia*Offically Missing You ] lost internet connection at my house til friday. fuck road runner. i wrote this last night, while I was on the phone with chad..it's a mix of somthing I made up & a favorite quote. I see you smile, and I know that I'm not the reason your smiling anymore..It's breaking my heart. You'll *always* be everything I never knew I always wanted..and lost. i'm probably doing myself more pain than good by going to his tourniment. I want him to know I still support him & care. it's amazing how much..a few days & a phone conversation can change things & break things apart. that quote, about if you love someone & let them go..and if they return to you; it was truely ment to be..i hope it's true. i don't even know what to hope for..if there's anything left to hope or try for. 3 comments|Classic Beauty...

what a chance to be with you & I'd risk it all <33 [15 Feb 2004|09:12pm] [ mood | happy ] [ music | Kayne West*Thought The Wire ] ahh i love my layout i made on my greatest journal damnnn LJ & paid accounts. I wanna use it here =( it's cute.. work went yesterday. horrible lol. I was forced to stay & work an extra hour. I ended up getting my review, I passed it with 100%, but still being stuck there was just horrible. it was SO busy. mike burno did my review. I got him a candy heart for doing so nice on it lolol. ben & dan make my tail wag. lolol me & dan gotta hot date tommrwo night so I can cook him some steak. ben wants in too. lol. today was fine. cept again i was out late by over an hour. it was ok though. got to work with ben, dan, frankie, kevin, bryan, herb, kasey, holly & mike. we all made a date tuesday to go bowling. sounds fun lol. meg is offically living at my house as of yesterday =) yayy she got me a valentine. it was her & andrew's 9 months yesterday too, so they went out somewhere. we were talking before we went out & she says she's really happy here. so i'm glad. i don't know how long she'll be with us here, but i'm glad she's at least happy. her dad called over here today. i don't know what was said but all i know is my step dad hung up on him. so yeah. it sucks kinda with her family living only 3 streets over. i don't care though, as long as she's not dealing with shit from them anymore & is in school & happy. it's weird though lol i mean living with someone who's not family but you've known since like, 8th grade. it's so cool though too. me, becky & her are doing tia-bo tonight. should be fun lol got out came home, looked at some stuff & saw a comment on my LJ from an ANNOYMOUS. I had no words for it lol. I had no clue he read that...I almot felt bad. cause at times when i'm stressed or sad. I over exagerate things I write on how I'm feeling. yeah so I called him. we talked. I told him how I felt about us...& yeah. we figured things out for the moment. He was like "I don't want to let this get in the way. it's so fucking stupid". hich in a way, I can agree on. I'm not mad at him anymore. I just wanna take that lil stupid fucking 10th grade whore & bitch slap her ass til she can't talk anymore. *phew* ok glad that's out now. haha. valentine's day went VERY well. got outta work called stace & got ready.. ( the ) & this is what went down. I figure it's mad long, so I'll put it in a cut =) ( I ) that wasn't everything cause yeah. it was an incredible night. & certain parts I will keep private. well at least for a few days. til I see britt, or julie, or nicole lolol. they'll find out & then the world will. defintily the best valentine's day i've had. it made me realize how much stupid shit can get in the way, but then it takes one day that probably is the most overrated day of the year, to make you see how much you love someone. *cues sappy love song* hahaha. now here I am. pretty freaking tired. finished my essay that was due friday in english. just emailed it to my teacher. she said if I had sent it by sunday she wouldn't mark it late. i love mrs.cooney. defintily not going out tonight. gunna get a good night sleep. gotta work 5-8pm tommrwo night too. so fun..not. holy jeebus. jermaine just IM'd me. lololol that's a first in like...months. haha he wants hang out this week. i got like a weird feeling in my stomach. like literally. like it's bubbly or somthing. i feel..icky. adam went out with the boys tonight so i'm about to go upstairs with meg & becky. watch some movies & talk for awhile. about our boyfriends as normal lol ~mwaaaa hope you all hadda great valentine's day <33 love you babe <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/europe/02/14/valentine.fun.reut/index.html>found this freaking horribly cute <33</a> 8 comments|Classic Beauty...

[13 Feb 2004|10:55pm] [ mood | blank ] Why am I dying to live and feeling nothing inside Why am I dying to live if no-one gives me a try Why I am I dying to live if I'm just living to die..* fuck friday the fucking 13th. really. FUCK IT.it was all fucking peachy & shit at school today. ig ot my valentine's guft from adam. a rose, a garfield doll with chocolate, a card & a cute new charm for my italian charm bracelet that says "Be Mine". it was all nice & shit. get to the game with ally, britt & sue & we fucking get there & some girl is rubbing his shoulders. cute. so yeah i was just like. ok. fuck that. & yeah. so I guess brenden told him I was out in the hall & yeah so he came out & was all like "Listen, i know you saw that, but it was nothing. i love you babe, come on talk to me here please..." & yadda ya, i just like stood there looking at him not saying a word. i wouldn't argue about somthing like this then. i was like, fucking so pissed off & sad. was i wrong for feeling like this? yeah but then he hadda go fer his game. i felt bad cause his parents came up to me & were like having this convo with me about what were doing tommrwo & i was like, not in the mood to talk about him. yah the game was fine though. he did fine. scored some big points. brenden did incredible. but neither plays in the last quarter of the game which was kinda sad. i mean it was thier last game. yeah they won. 16-0. undeafeated season. yah. if i did somthing wrong. i'm sorry. if i wasn't like, there for you in some way, i'm sorry. if i'm not eveything that you want i'm sorry. tell me what you want; i'll do it. i'm sorry for ignoring this earlier ok. i was pissed at you, & i wanted to like scream out loud so bad & just ask you why. i wanna be what you need. i wanna know. if you do care like you say you do. if you mean those things you say. i don't know what it is. i hate these stupid little arguements. if you want time to think. just tell me. i don't wanna feel like i'm holding you down or back from things you want to do. i'm sorry i don't say what i feel. maybe you mean alot to me, that i'm not sure you feel the same way. ya know maybe it's cause it's cause were not into the sexual part of everything. like, i'm just holding him back. from things. or like dragging him down. it's the worst feeling seeing him just, & the guys are buggin on him on that. maybe it's cause i don't say i love you all the time, or I wait for you to make the first move on everything. *sigh* i don't know. i feel there. with some other girl & remembering, oh yeah. i'm not anything that special but he is. he can get so much more. & it sucks for me cause i gotta remember & pray that one day he won't wake up & see that too. i don't even know what i'm doing tommrwo anymore. it's valentine's day. again & i feel like i'm the only one who has this feeling even though i know others are. when i was sitting there at the game, just watching him it felt like i was the luckiest girl, so have him. he's so incredible. & i've haven't felt this..incomparable. before. it's so amazing. it's like, words can't describe. i don't wanna let it go. but if he thinks that, he wants to just. go. then....i won't hold him back. i want him to be happy & feel like he's doing what he wants to make him happy. i don't even know. ina way i wanan just be like, tell him all this. & let him decide. but i'm scared that maybe i won't get the awnser i keep on hearing over. i'll get the one that'll leave me, feeling that part of me empty again. i'm not sure if i should be mad, sad, aggrivated, keep it inside, or forget about it. i just want to be near him, & know nothings wrong. i love the way he makes me feel when i'm with him. i love what i am & what i feel like i can be. i love how he makes me feel & treats me. i love eveything about him. his personaility, his eyes, his dorky quirks, his ability to be incredible at everything he does, even his flaws. i love him. & i'm scared i'll lose this stupidly. yeah. bed time. work 11-4:15 tommrwo. fuck work. it's so gay. i'll write a happy update sooner or later. i promise. 1 comment|Classic Beauty...

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